


The Difference Between Wants & Needs

by nationalnobody



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cashton, Fluff, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Movie Night, Muke - Freeform, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3158783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nationalnobody/pseuds/nationalnobody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum wants a lot of things in life, stuff that he <em>thinks</em> is of absolute importance but really is just sort of irrelevant in the grand scheme of life. However, what Calum <em>needs</em> is a whole different topic. What he needs he knows he probably won’t be able to live without; stuff like water, oxygen, food and Ashton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Difference Between Wants & Needs

Calum wants a lot of things in life, most he knows he won’t ever get but hey he can still dream. He wants things like less homework, a dog and other stuff that he _thinks_ is of absolute importance but really is just sort of irrelevant in the grand scheme of life.

However, what Calum _needs_ is a whole different topic. What he needs he knows he probably won’t be able to live without; stuff like water, oxygen, food and Ashton. He never really thought he’d become so dependent on another person, let alone another _boy_ , in his life but he had and frankly, he minds it a quite a bit.

It’s not really a nice feeling knowing that the person you love prefers being in companies other than yours. ‘Other companies’ meaning Luke. Calum is aware that he shouldn’t be jealous, it’s silly really because he knows Luke and Michael are together, regardless the sentiment bubbles up within him anyway.

In fact right now he’s feeling pretty frustrated because Luke and Michael are cuddled up together on the tiny, probably ten year old couch and Calum’s just sitting on the floor pulling at the fraying strings of a rug that’s probably just as old.

The movie they’re watching now is some old alien invasion kind of one and he thinks it’s got something to do with crop circles and tractors though Calum isn’t quite sure seeing as how he’s not paying attention, he doubts anyone is really – save for Ashton.

He mumbles a few words under his breath and allows his eyes to roam across the room before settling themselves on the eldest boy. The blonde is leaning against the coffee table, his hands planted on the floor either side of him and Calum can’t help but watch fondly as long fingers drum against hardwood floor.

Calum realises he hasn’t torn his gaze away from Ashton in a while when he feels something, a cushion, hit his upper back. He turns away quickly and faces Michael, the source of the thrown cushion, and simply stares at him.

Michael understands. Somehow he always does – probably because they’ve known each other for so long. It’s not a surprise when a few moments later Calum feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. With a sigh, he fishes it out to check the text.

**From: Mi-cool**

**want me to go?? so u two can idk like talk?**

Calum doesn’t really know what to say, he doesn’t know if he can handle being alone with Ashton right now. It’s late, nearly two in the morning, and Calum knows at this point in the night he’ll start spewing all sorts of weird shit.

Does he really want to risk it?

He doesn’t want to do something or say something he’ll regret come morning. He may not be drunk but he’s practically buzzing from multiple energy drinks and a lack of sleep which really doesn’t make much sense but to his brain, he assumes, it makes a Hell of a lot of sense _._ He takes a couple of minutes, thinks it over and decides on saying ‘no _’_ to Michael.

He ends up saying yes.

**To: Mi-cool**

**thanks man, i owe you. also tuck Luke in already, he’s been asleep since 1 :P**

Calum hears movement behind him and then the sound of the door closing at which Ashton turns around, “Wha-Where’d they go?”

“Luke’s been asleep since one. Michael thought that it was about time to tuck him in.”

Ashton has this semblance of a smile on his face when he brings up Luke, “So that’s why I never heard Luke’s voice…” He trails off turning back to the television and Calum feels his gut wrench in the most sickening way.

_Of course, of-fucking-course._

He doesn’t say anything, just keeps his eyes affixed to the practically lifeless image on the screen and hopes that one day he won’t feel as shitty about loving someone as he does right now.

* * *

It’s around half past two when Ashton speaks up again and Calum jumps slightly in response; he was buried in thought and being shoved out of it that quickly wasn’t pleasant, not in the least. He shakes himself and replies with a mumbled ‘sorry what?’

Ashton grins and he looks so much like the sun that it makes Calum feel sick and miserable and all he wants to do now is to throw himself headfirst into a pit of lava.

The blonde rises and stumbles towards Calum, yeah they had a few drinks but that was during the afternoon and it wasn’t anything near strong enough to make Ashton drunk or even tipsy.

Ashton plops down next to Calum with a slight thud and before Calum is even aware of it he’s being pulled into the older boy’s lap. “Caluuuuumm, why are you always so faaaaar away?” Ashton’s arms spread out when he says ‘far’ and Calum can swear he stopped breathing like two minutes ago.

“I-I…Because you don’t want me near…” His voice so soft and unsure that the arms wrapped around him suddenly tighten and he hears Ashton mumbling something like ‘that’s not true’ but then again it could be ‘that’s so true’ and Calum is leaning more towards the latter.

Ashton smells like the Lynx he always uses and also slightly like the Earth – Calum wishes he could fill his lungs with the scent, breathe Ashton in instead of oxygen but that’s something he wants, not needs…

It takes a few minutes but Calum finally comes to realise the gravity of the situation, he is in Ashton’s _lap._

He begins to squirm a little and tries to get out of the older boy’s grip but to no avail. “You-Why are you trying to go, pup? Why do you always want to _go?_ I know you prefer Michael but this-I…” Ashton pauses.

Calum does too; but suddenly he feels that burning spite resurface and all he wants is to get back at Ashton for causing him so much heartache, so he spits the words out all at once – a crumpled mess of abuse that he already wants to take back.

“Of course I prefer Michael! He’s my best friend. I _love_ him.” And maybe it’s too much, maybe he shouldn’t have raised his voice the way he did but Goddamn it felt good to finally say _something_.

Ashton loosens his grip around Calum and gradually all but lets his arms slip away. Calum finds himself saddened by the loss, even though he had so desperately wanted it gone before.

“You love him?” Ashton asks, voice low and wary. “But he-he already has Luke…”

Calum laughs, a high pitched pained noise that only lasts for a few seconds really, and buries his face in his hands. “I don’t love Michael like _that_.” _I love you like that_ , he wants to say but he knows the words won’t pass his lips.

“ _Oh._ Oh thank God.” Ashton exhales and mumbles to himself and Calum wonders why. Why does Ashton always do this? Why does he always lead him through a maze only to ditch him at a dead end? Calum _knows_ Ashton likes Luke, _he fucking knows_ but knowing doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“Thank God?” Calum repeats, shifting around in Ashton’s lap turning to face the blonde. Calum blinks and takes in the sight of pretty hazel-green eyes and dirty blonde curls that are less than five inches away from his own face.

Calum finds, in that moment, that he is so, _so_ fucked and so, _so_ in love.

Ashton stays silent for a few moments and in the few seconds that pass – _empty_ , he resigns himself to believe that Ashton won’t say anything more. He’s taken aback slightly when Ashton does in fact speak up, voice trembling more than Calum’s knees.

“I-Pup…It’s because— _Calum_ , it’s because I, I love you.”

Everything stops and Calum can feel the moon come crashing through the roof and he swears he might be going into cardiac arrest. He finds his voice quicker than he expected to and he listens to his voice bounce all around the room when he speaks, “Fuck— _Fuck you_. I fucking hate you.”

His words are harsh but his movements gentle as he clings to Ashton, hands carding through blonde locks. Ashton grins, shoulders sagging in relief – and then he’s holding Calum like his life depends on it, which at the moment isn’t too far from the truth.

Calum thinks that _this_ couldn’t get any better (and that he’s probably indebted to Michael for the rest of his life) but then it _does_ get better. Ashton’s peppering kisses all over his face and Calum can’t help but let out small huffs of laughter and grip Ashton even tighter.

_This_ is worth it, worth all the pining, jealousy, _everything._

_Ashton_ , Calum thinks, _makes it all worth it._

**Author's Note:**

> i like the pretty things you say, i love to sit and listen while you talk ♡ there now you've been serenaded too dek & quite truthfully at that aha


End file.
